Some Thoughts On Kids

Sale PSA: A balloon sleeve sweatshirt from Agolde, now under $100, really cool utility pants from Nike, now $80, a very cute smock tee from Everlane, now $10, and classic cargo pants from Madewell, now 20% off (everything is 20% off right now – I’m ordering a few basics).

Hi! I was going to write a post on other stuff but got distracted writing to a friend who just had their first baby, some of my thoughts on kids – an email which went on and on and which I was forced to cut, because they were really just asking about breastfeeding vs formula (my TLDR: whatever works for you/it really, truly doesn’t matter). Anyway, I was left with a lot of other thoughts on the topic, and wanted to share some here.

So, here we go: some tips and pieces of advice future me would have wanted to say to my past self, about life with kids:

You don’t need to buy very much, especially in “preparation for.” That means: you don’t need a ton of baby gear, etc. In the age of Amazon Prime and local Targets, etc, you can get almost anything you need within a day or two…so PLEASE…do not get the baby milk warmer, do not get the expensive stroller, do not get the zillions of random toys, do not get the really expensive white onesies from Dior (as cute as they are) in advance. WAIT and understand what it is like to really have a baby, how little sh*t it is that they do need, and really how often they poop and pee (applicable to the white Dior baby clothes question). There will be almost no emergency in which you WISH you had the “right item” lying around, unless it is diaper related (and yeah, you should have those!).

If money can solve a problem, use it. As long as it’s affordable and responsibly within your means. And this is my personal philosophy – but I really had a lot of trouble with time management in the first few years with kids, and who am I kidding, I STILL have a lot of problems with time management, and sometimes I will realize I haven’t really “cooked” a meal in some time, instead relying on takeout, etc, and honestly….who cares? Yes it’s more expensive but it’s saving me a lot of hassle and the alternative (aka COOKING) would just add so much stress that it isn’t worth it.

There’s a sort of ennui that I think a lot of first time parents, and especially mothers, tend to enter upon having kids…it’s just such a disruption to your life. And if you’re like me, you might feel a lot of guilt/pressure, especially since now there are the childcare costs, the future college savings costs, etc. But you need to help yourself first, to survive – you’re a person too, with needs, with desires, and commitments that have nothing to do with children. If spending some money can help you feel sane, do it.

Competition and comparison is unhealthy…and useless. I remember for our first baby, the stress of tracking milestones… of course you want to know that they are talking, walking, etc within “normal ranges”. But after a certain point, comparison with what is “normal,” what other kids are doing, can be counterproductive. Truly, it’s usually counterproductive! And to be honest, seeing what other parents are doing for their kids, signing them up for, pushing them for, is kind of a novelist’s dream…because so much of the time it reveals so much more about the parents themselves, than the actual kids. Remember: we really just want them to be happy, and safe. The rest is just gravy…and it’s not like you can influence much of it anyway (in my opinion).

And my final, controversial take:

Don’t care about how your house looks for the first ~7 years. Or however long. YES, some people manage to have both kids and stunning Danish decor and only wooden toys which are placed neatly out of sight as soon as the kids are off to bed. If this is you, I only have pure admiration (and please send me links to your furniture). HOWEVER it is so hard to care about decor and a “nice” house with young kids – they are always placing things here, there, getting this dirty, that sticky, that stained. Our house is NOT in any sort of displayable state and having made my peace with it has freed up SO MUCH of my brain space – we figure in about ~ 2 years we’ll just turn over a bunch of our stuff, FINALLY get rid of some of the toys, and start to have a nicer adult house. Until then, I’ve accepted that I live in a “kid” house….one day I’ll get to live in an adult one, but it hasn’t come yet.

What would you tell your younger self about life with kids?