Sale PSA: Leopard slip ons from Vans, now $56 (I know only 10% off but it is something), classic Stan Smith sneakers from adidas, now 25% off, a pretty cropped sweater from Madewell, now $30 with code HOWNICE, and the perfect long sleeve pocket tee from Everlane, now $18.
1. This week, sharing a favorite Doen dress.
I really like Doen. To me they are kind of a more conservative Reformation (well if this lady were to do up more buttons). I find their items very wearable and breezy and my only complaint is that a lot of the time the maxi dresses are too long on me! The midis are fine though, they basically are maxis on me (I’m 5’1).
By the way – I realized this silk version is 60% off! Net-A-Porter officially stopped its sale but there’s still these little hidden links all over the place. I like the cotton one I posted above more, though – seems less high maintenance and breezy. So bookmark the cotton if you like it!
2. Really interested to hear your thoughts on this NY Times piece, about the culture war going on internally at certain tech companies about the generous Covid policies afforded to parents. Before I had kids, I said lots of embarrassing statements to people with kids about how I would raise them (they’ll have to adjust around my life! My parents didn’t do anything with me! Blah blah blah). The thing is you truly don’t know what it’s like until you have them so while it is sad to me that some people are so aggressive about their positions I also understand and can’t really judge because I was there too. And just to be clear it does suck to have to pull more than your weight at work. Just because you don’t have children, doesn’t mean you don’t have tons of other obligations. I also know quite a few moms who are regularly working until 2-3 AM to get everything done so they aren’t the slacker on the team. Nothing is fair right now.
3. Sharing this article, via Toronto Life: A Restaurant Ruined My Life. Can any native Toronto-ians explain to me why TL is so good? This is one of my favorite “city” magazines! They have the best features!
4. Thank you to JK for sharing the update via McSweeney’s on my article last week – this week Toile is joining a pandemic pod.
5. This week, I read The Body in Question, by Jill Ciment.
I really loved this book. It’s about the juror in a murder case and though you also hear about the case (which is interesting in itself) the main focus is actually on the juror. I flew through this in less than two days. It is so slim and powerful and being an author I admire what was done all the more. The control! The pacing! The writing! The FEELINGS! This is “literary” – if you are looking for all the loose ends tied up, super happy ending, breakneck pace, etc, maybe don’t do this one. BUT it cleans up and has a more satisfying ending than lots of other literary books I’ve read this year! If you’re looking for a literary read that packs a powerful emotional bunch, I highly recommend The Body in Question.
22 Comments
MOD
September 11, 2020 at 8:05 amThanks for posting the NYT article about parents vs nonparents. As a nonparent (and potentially forever nonparent), I’ve had those feelings about unfairness creep up over the years, but I do remind myself how hard I see my coworkers with kids working. It always reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie’s Manolos get stolen at her friend’s no shoe apartment. The friend offers to pay until she finds out how expensive they are and tells Carrie there are more important things in life. Carrie then calculates how much money she’s spent over the years on the friend’s wedding and baby showers and sends the friend a registry for a wedding between her and herself. It’s tricky! I want to assume it all balances out in the end but I’m in my 30s and not married and not sure about kids- so does it/will it all balance out in the end? But during COVID, all I can do is remind myself how lucky I am to have a job and only myself and a boyfriend to worry about!
Kat
September 11, 2020 at 2:41 pmI love that episode!! Those parents were crazy, though I do agree with them taking off the shoes, ha!! And you sound very level headed and thoughtful 🙂
Susan
September 11, 2020 at 8:12 amI blame the companies for not taking care of their workers- with children and without children. Parents have it though but childless workers are being taken advantage of as well. As far as I’m concerned, it’s management’s fault.
Kat
September 11, 2020 at 2:41 pmManagement and our social system/government. A country not taking care of its citizens too!
Anonymous
September 11, 2020 at 1:11 pmIt’s capitalism’s fault. Period.
Kat
September 11, 2020 at 2:40 pmI don’t disagree with this – would be curious if you think there is a distinction between American capitalism and others!
Anonymous
September 11, 2020 at 6:20 pmYes, American capitalism. This is how I look at it: Europe = closest to real socialism, America = capitalism at its worst, China = capitalism with one party political rule. We can blame management but management are judged by the numbers and the market, it’s a force that can’t be resisted as management are so replaceable.
Anonymous
September 11, 2020 at 1:15 pmWithout help at home, it is tough to be a working parent especially here in the U.S. At least in other countries or cultures, there are extended families or hired help (affordable 24/7 nannies) that can help. For example, having 2 helpers in Singapore or other parts of Asia for a family of 5 children is not uncommon.
But I do think when I child reaches a certain age in the U.S , with proper upbringing, a woman can have it all. Be a full-time mom and worker. Not sure what age the child has to be before that happens.. 21? Lol.
Kat
September 11, 2020 at 2:39 pmExcellent point, thank you! And I’d like to know the age, too.
Linda
September 12, 2020 at 11:07 pmHaving help in sSingapore or other Asian countries means importing cheap labor from other poorer countries (I.e., Malaysia, Philippines etc) and paying them less. It’s like importing people from Mexico. It’s not right unless you pay people a fair wage wherever they come from. Every country has problems if you look below the surface
Kat
September 13, 2020 at 8:39 pmAgreed!
Anonymous
September 11, 2020 at 1:57 pmPre-covid, I thought that with my youngest child starting kindergarten this fall, I could finally take the next step in my career after years of losing traction at my firm. Post-kids, optics played a large role in my diminished status. So this year, I had career growth discussions at work, took on additional responsibilities and let the kids watch Netflix for 9 hours/day all summer. At times they would cry as I wouldn’t have time to feed them dinner until almost their bedtime. But with the school year in full swing, my youngest is struggling with distance learning, which is an extensive list of Zoom calls throughout the day. I am now investing in a nanny and hoping things at work don’t derail for me again. I have no idea how working parents are dealing with kindergarten aged kids who can’t focus and have no interest in remote learning.
Kat
September 11, 2020 at 2:39 pmRight there with you…with it being my oldest in kinder. Please take some time for yourself, too…can’t imagine how difficult, and the nanny I’ sure is worth their weight in gold and more.
Jenny
September 11, 2020 at 2:33 pmI don’t have kids, though maybe I’m influenced by the possibility that I might, but I really feel for the parents having to work and parent and educate. It’s the weight and responsibility of parenthood during normal times that keeps me squarely on the fence (the face of my super cute nephew is what makes me teeter-totter). That extra time off isn’t for fun. Parenting is work, and it’s hard and messy and has a lot more screaming than professionally necessary. To me, it’s like having the burden and emotional distress of being a non-parent on top of parenting, educating, IT supporting. It sounds so hard and exhausting. I see my friends who are parents struggling and have experienced Zoom “onsite” interviews with kids on the side or on screen and I’m so, so very sympathetic. I understand the need for recognition and equality, but equality never meant the same thing for every person — the question is how can the non-parents feel recognized and supported too if they’re also stretched thin? I don’t believe it needs to be the same way parents are being supported but the same care and thoughtfulness and appreciation should be extended.
Kat
September 11, 2020 at 2:38 pmYou said this very nicely, thank you Jenny!
Diane W.
September 11, 2020 at 9:39 pmI’m wondering if the birth rate will drop in the future due to what’s happening now. The employed parents I know have all counted on sending their children off to school during the day, once they are five (and to pre-school before that). Will young couples continue to choose having children knowing that there may be long periods of time when they don’t have those options? (I think it would be naive to think that a pandemic can never happen again.) I don’t have children and there were times when I carried others’ weight at work, but I believe that it was worth it (although it was never for months at a time). Those coworkers provided the next generation, (including today’s parents and non-parents) who now contribute so much to society….and therefore, to my life. I will say that I might feel differently if I were employed now….because the stress of Covid is undeniable, parent or not. But, as an old lady, I am grateful that those parents were willing to raise children & work.
Kat
September 12, 2020 at 9:04 amDiane you are wonderful and so thoughtful as always!
Lilian
September 13, 2020 at 4:25 pmDefinitely feel for all the parents who work full-time having to double-duty as teacher – this really is a huge adjustment for everyone! I’ve worked from home with littles and now with not-so-littles (13 and 9), and yes, the younger years are a STRUGGLE. I’d stay up late when they were much younger, just to get caught up on projects, and yes, my career did suffer. I wouldn’t change a single thing, though, because it led me to the role I’m currently in. I’m not in leadership, but I’m definitely treated like one mostly because the expertise I bring spans over15 years, and for most of that time I worked remotely, so they look to me as someone who’s ‘..been there…’
For all you younger mommas – if you need it, and can afford it, GET HELP. Whatever that looks like (family, a nanny, a part-time sitter), DO IT. You’ll be better at parenting and your chosen career for it.Are employers taking a while to catch on to this new world we’re living in? Yes, but truth be told, telecommuting and virtual work IS the next wave, and a lot of companies are seriously looking to turn in most of their real estate leases and move to a remote model. Any employer giving people a hard time, or any co-workers not quite getting how hard this is? The shoe’s about to drop. One day you’ll need those people who were juggling multiple balls, because they truly know how to play their position with the resources they have.
Kat
September 13, 2020 at 8:39 pmYou are so wise, thank you for sharing!
Anonymous
September 13, 2020 at 7:33 pmI’m currently childless and in my late 20s. However, many of my coworkers, including my manager have children and it has made me so grateful that I don’t have any of my own during this already hard time. I’d heard about FB’s leave policy and honestly hadn’t even thought about how it could be perceived negatively. I thought it was the right thing to do. Parenting is without a doubt one of the hardest things, which is why alarm bells go off in my head whenever someone asks if I’m having children. I know without a doubt that parenting during this online-Zoom class nightmare with a full 9-5 is nearly impossible. Taking care of their kids is actually some people’s full time jobs! How can you expect people to then take on an even heavier child-care load and balance a full workload, it’s not possible.
My manager is out most mornings helping his son with Zoom class and I don’t think it’s a big deal. I think we all need to be flexible in this new world and I keep in mind that this is all a team effort. I know that once this pandemic is over, if I ever need reprieve, my manager without a doubt would cover for me as well.
I do think that there is a sense of entitlement with some of the people at those larger companies. Since everyone’s mass WFH, I’ve heard so many complaints from employees about having to pay for food now or not have access to fancy gyms. FB already did the most in my opinion, giving the large bonuses and additional time off. This is a lot more than many other companies in Silicon Valley have done for theirs. Welcome to the real world, guys.
Kat
September 13, 2020 at 8:41 pmYou sound so level headed and smart (and yes you should be grateful about no kids, ha!). I agree with you on the entitlement…I have heard some crazy complaints, including on my Nextdoor where some person started to see if others agreed with him that his tech company should give them each a bonus for having to buy food themselves!
Mai
September 13, 2020 at 11:16 pmHi Kat, how are the linen pants from linenfox compared to ES ones? I got addicted to ES after reading your blog but now she has halted her business I am looking for an alternative. The pockets are a major plus though!