Sale PSA: A silk slip dress from Vince, now just $86, a fun plaid trench from Vince, now 40% off (I really love this for some reason, reminds me of a Clueless/Matrix mashup), a beautiful orchid classic Veneta hobo from Bottega Veneta, now just $540 (love this color), and the much recommended (by blog readers!) Spanx “Brallelujah bra“, now 20% off, as well as a bunch of other Spanx items, also 20% off (I’m a Spanx buyer now, I’ve started to try shapewear).
So over the weekend, I became obsessed with the idea of a giant puffer. Not just any puffer, but a metallic one. I saw one on a girl (it was this one, I asked her, yes) and for some reason it looked so cool on her, so I thought it would possibly look cool on me, then I decided that the Isabel Marant was too big, and I would prefer it to have down filling, so then went down a fairly time consuming rat hole of various metallic puffers until my husband informed me that I would look like a garbage can (which was not entirely off putting). My kids woke, I had frittered away their entire nap time, and then afterward – by the time they went to bed – I was over the metallic parka altogether. But I was very ready to purchase one just a few hours earlier.
I share this story to show you how sad I am but also because maybe, for a few of you – sound familiar?
I’ve been trying to do better with “stepping away” lately. Sometimes I won’t have an item on my list at all, only to see it on some one, either that I know or don’t know (ahem, influencer) on the internet and then I want it. And sometimes it turns out GREAT but often it’s a waste! Of time, resources, everything. So I’ve been trying to keep in mind some thoughts – which help me walk away, so that I can save not just money, but more importantly time. I try to remember:
…that sometimes I shop and obsess over finding the perfect “item” because I’m actually stressed over something else. Not to psychoanalyze but I probably think it’s something I have control over, you know? Like, if I find the perfect camel coat, then I don’t have to worry so much about X, Y, Z. Recognizing that this is how I sometimes manage stress has been helpful in allowing me to walk away from some crazy purchases.
…exactly how many times I’ve actually regretted not buying something and then it sold out. I mean, not that many, right? I actually cam’t think of any right now. I’m sure it’s happened. Probably in Paris, I’m sure there were like a bunch of times I didn’t get a Max Mara coat for half off the retail in the US. But I can’t recall any specifics. So.
…the chicest person I know, and whether the item I’m currently going crazy over would look good on them. Yeah. Like would Sarah Linh Tran wear this metallic parka? Maybe not. I still think it looks GOOD. But it helps me focus my personal style this way, and weed out those random purchases.
…my daily life. I mean…over Thanksgiving, I was thinking about how my leggings were getting tight by the end of the meal. Instead of buying an expensive puffer, I should really get some leggings (actually I did, see below).
…I don’t need all the things. There are more cute things in the world than I have the space (or budget) for. So even if it’s great, it doesn’t mean that I *have* to have it. I think one interesting byproduct of the whole minimalism/capsule movement is that we think we all need that one *perfect* product – so we keep buying in search of it, sometimes. Yeah, maybe that X,Y,Z is a better version that what I have. But you know what the item in my closet has going for it? I already freaking own it! I don’t need to spend money or time going after it! This has been one of the greatest lessons of all.
Now lest I appear sanctimonious, let me also assure you that I did buy several more pairs of comfortable leggings and pants (these from Lululemon to be precise – can’t believe I bought leggings on Black Friday, and they weren’t even on sale). But this post was more about how I try to walk away when I’m just shopping aimlessly.
How do you stop yourself from going down that “purchasing spiral”?
15 Comments
Jaime
December 2, 2019 at 8:29 amYour post really resonated with me. I have been searching for a Saint Laurent Matelassé Tote in black with silver hardware for a couple of months. It’s been sold out and really became a quest. On Saturday, I was at Neiman Marcus at Tysons Galleria and lo and behold they had one in the back. I was looking at the flap bag and the SA asked me if I was interested in the tote. Someone has just returned one. I screamed at the opportunity and purchased it for $1900 (on sale from $2500). Got home and took it out to start swanning around the house and it was just not that great. It was “meh!” I feel like I sometimes expect purchases to be life altering. Guess what? They’re not. It’s a lovely bag but it’s not worth it to me, with all of the other bags in my closet. It’s going back. It takes a lot to rock my world these days (no, I am not depressed!). 🙂
Jaime
December 2, 2019 at 8:37 amP.S. The Spanx bra is great, very comfortable. Not the most attractive with the wide straps but it doesn’t feel like you have a bra on, even with the underwiring. Two thumbs up!
heebie-geebie
December 2, 2019 at 8:56 amOof, yes, shopping as escapism, and then mistaking the habit for the actual nut of life instead of the diversion. I very much recognize myself in this.
Diane W
December 2, 2019 at 9:24 amI used to make frequent impulse purchases. But that rarely happens now. Actually, it hasn’t happened in some time, now that I think of it. A couple of things happened that I’m aware of. Styles I used to wear no longer work for me. But mostly, I simply feel content most of the time. Also, I’m in the midst of a bag edit and that mindset of reduction seems to have spread throughout my closet. It’s only taken close to seven decades…..not that I’m a I’m a slow learner or anything!
Nina
December 2, 2019 at 9:27 amI have the same Lululemon pants! I’ve had them for over 2 years now and still loving them. I wear them for long haul flights and on weekends when I need to bring the kids out for a walk around the block but can’t think of anything to wear.
Mod
December 2, 2019 at 10:59 amI relate to this post on so many levels (except I hadn’t, myself, come to all the rational conclusions yet so thanks for that!). I just got back from a vacation in China and everywhere I looked- the women were wearing the cutest outerwear (yes including metallic puffies!) and it made me insanely desperate to get one (or a few!) before I left. The obsession was intense- I almost order some fur scarves online (from US retailers) because I just *needed* some cute winter clothes! Ultimately, I had to remind myself that 1) I can’t follow every trend/expect everything to look the same on me as other women 2). I need to calm down and if I really wanted a coat/jacket, I should think about it some more and find one suitable for me, instead of impulsively/obsessively trying to find the best option this very minute. On the last day of my trip I did find a jacket that I love (yay go me!) but surprise surprise – it wasn’t the super chic cool China girl jacket I’d been lusting for and certainly not for the Alibaba/China price tag I’d be hoping for- ha! 🙂
Helen
December 2, 2019 at 11:42 amI do this all the time! I usually can’t stop the spiral, but once I’ve hunted down the item, I force myself to leave it in the cart for a night…and then the next night…and honestly after a few days I’ll have forgotten about it. I’d like to think that “purchase spiraling” is because of some primitive hunter nature in me, and not because I’m super shallow.
Jaime
December 2, 2019 at 4:12 pmHelen, I’m going to take a page from your book and sit on things from now on. It is unusual that I am out and about at the stores – the horror – I usually prefer the online version of shopping.
Anonymous
December 2, 2019 at 4:50 pmJaime, I can’t take credit for it, it’s definitely one of those tips that they tell compulsive shoppers to follow :P, but I hope it helps! I’ve noticed that a lot of online shopping carts will now tell you just how scarce that item is (2 left in stock!) which means as soon as it’s sold out, I realize it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted in life…
Ann
December 4, 2019 at 11:21 amKat, I saw a Moncler metallic puffy jacket at Nordstrom yesterday at the store and it reminded me of your post. I think the jacket would really suit you! The jacket itself looks petite and pretty hip. I can see why you would be on the hunt for one.
Usually I have the luck of finding the item and actually trying it on or touching it. If it is really expensive, I revisit the item a couple of times before breaking the bank. Hint, hint Van Cleef and Hermes.
Items online and on an influencer tend to look different once you see or wear it. Especially when it comes to colors and texture. Because of this, most of time I end up not purchasing the item onxe I have seen it or returning online orders. And yes, one item left in stock is a kicker. I just proceed to purchase it and then decide after receiving it if it is truly a keeper.
I don’t find buying items as another way of avoiding what troubles me or stresses me out. Usually, the purchases are purely for pleasure and what looks pleasing to my eye. Lol. It anything, I find it reduces my stress. Garnering ompliments from others do seal the purchase! So if your husband says it looks gaudy or a potato sack…perhaps not something you want to hear from him, or be reminded of, everytime you wear it.
I think keeping yourself totally busy does help reduce shopping. Busy with a schedule of a work load (work or with kids activities), exercise, other activities throughout the day, and spending time with love ones help. Compulsive shopping becomes the last thing on your mind. The downtime, especially being at home a lot, causes the impulse shopping and browsing through the internet and seeing what the influencers have imo. On that not, it does help to buy what an influencer has and then remind yourself after that if your taste really matches the influencer’s. I find that it really doesn’t. Everyone is unique and we tend to collect items that reflect what we like individually. Luckily there are retail stores around me to try things out!
Happy Christmas shopping!
Anonymous
December 4, 2019 at 11:34 amActually, I think some shopping is a result of FOMO. It is pretty hard to avoid. Seeing or touching things in person helps a lot. But if this is not possible, keeping yourself busy or remembering you are on a tight budget helps. With the latter, you end up just buying the stuff you need and also avoid buying tons of similar or duplicate items you already have in your closet which may cause an eye roll from the significant other if you know what I mean. Lol. Unless you are a collector of a certain item…that is a totally different beast. 🙂
Ammu
December 4, 2019 at 10:50 pmOh this resonated so much with me. I usually find that visiting the store in person helps — most things are not as amazing in real life as they are on a website (or in my head!). Looking at my bank account or credit card bill also helps — as does thinking of experiences I would rather spend my money on (a good meal, a vacation, etc).
Pret A Porter P
December 12, 2019 at 6:51 amI too have fallen in love with a metallic puffer after seeing it someone. Fully aware that it looks like a baked potato. I live somewhere hot year round so it’s pretty easy to admire it from a distance.
It helps when I limit myself to 20 fashion items per year. It makes me consider each purchase more carefully. I’m @ 21 for the year.
Kat
December 12, 2019 at 8:33 amHA at the baked potato reference!
Rachel
January 18, 2020 at 7:46 amKat this is one of my all time favorite posts! Love your thinking and it’s very helpful.
For me I have started keeping a Pinterest board and notes file on my cell of “wishlist” items. Now whenever I think about making a mid-priced or expensive purchase I check one of those first and am almost always reminded of all the other things I’d rather have more, as I’m trying to focus on buying less.
I know I sound like a broken record but I have also really gotten into rent the runway unlimited subscription, so I rarely buy new clothes since I can rent so much through that.