In the past few weeks I’ve shared a few awkward things about myself to friends. One of them is this blog. Not that I’m embarrassed about Feather Factor (because I’m very proud of the site!), but you know, for the longest time a lot of my “real life” friends didn’t know that I had a blog. I didn’t know how to introduce it to them. It’s one of those things where you might have a secret passion for something (in my case, lots of superfluous but pretty bags and clothes) but you don’t really know how to tell people who know you as just a regular obnoxious person, and not as a regular obnoxious AND fashion obsessed person. You know?
For some reason in the past year however, things have changed. I really don’t feel embarrassed too much at all anymore (watch something really terrible will happen to me now that I’ll be absolutely mortified for). I mean I still feel shame of course. But in terms of certain aspects about my every day life, things that I used to be really worried about and obsess over …stupid stuff that I did or people said to me starting back in junior high or high school that I still would feel awful about…for some reason, it’s evaporated.
I’m not sure why that is. Maybe because I’ve had children and since then have:
- Spent entire days with my top on inside out without anybody informing me
- Gone out to lunch with a taller friend who was able to look over my shirt to the back of my shoulder and inform me that there was dried spit up there, and that’s when I thought oh that is where the strange smell was coming from
- Peed myself several times in public, though once was totally deserved as I don’t know what I was doing on a trampoline 8 months pregnant (yes my childless readers, you will most likely pee yourself when pregnant..and maybe for some time after as well)
But I think some of it is just maturing with age as well. I guess life is too short to feel strange, or nervous, about the person you’ve grown up to be and the choices you made. I wish I could have realized this earlier – it would have saved me a lot of agony in my earlier years! But I don’t know if there’s a shortcut to get there.
I’d love to hear from you. When did you stop “caring” so much? Did it get even better as you got older? What do you wish you could have told yourself?
28 Comments
K
April 9, 2018 at 7:03 amI have to admit I am loving your recent candid posts. Your blog is one of my favorites and continues to evolve with you and your followers. The writing style & topics covered are fantastic! I have been reading it for years. As for caring, I am older than you & still care. I accept that as part of my personality and move on.
Katherine
April 9, 2018 at 1:05 pmThank you so much! And you know I think thats a big part of it…accepting those parts of our personality we cannot change.
Jess
April 9, 2018 at 8:42 amLike the above reader, I’ve also really been enjoying your recent candid posts! They’ve provoked a lot of interesting comments too.
One thing I used to care a lot about was social life, especially in college. I was worried about going out “enough”, and felt like my roommates would judge me for staying home on a Friday night! It sounds so silly now! I think it got better after I moved into my own place and realized that my perfect Friday night is a good book, or maybe having a few friends over for dinner, but not necessarily going out and partying 🙂
Katherine
April 9, 2018 at 1:33 pmThank you! And as an introvert, I completely relate 🙂
sydnee
April 9, 2018 at 9:09 amI’m not sure if it’s age or just being a mom but I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I also pick my battles and let other things slide.
Design by Sydnee | life+style
Lisa
April 9, 2018 at 10:17 amWow I love your post! I can relate how you are feeling at this moment. Every since I had kids, I stopped caring about materialistic things or how I look. Although sometimes, I feel guilty looking like crap when I go out with my husband. But I guess as you age, you feel more comfortable with yourself and not worry so much about little things.
Katherine
April 9, 2018 at 9:42 pmI can relate to this 🙂
M
April 9, 2018 at 11:12 amI’ve actually felt this way recently as well, increasingly so. I think its age and being a mom. I’m also a special needs mom so the list of things to care and worry about is infinite. I wish I could go back in time and tell my young self to relax and enjoy life!
Wendy
April 9, 2018 at 8:13 pmM , God Bless you and your Family! I know it’s so challenging for you as my Mom is in a wheelchair and can’t use the restroom by herself. To me that is very similar to special needs and my heart goes out to you!
Wendy
April 9, 2018 at 8:16 pmIt is however very rewarding!
Katherine
April 9, 2018 at 9:43 pmYou are amazing, M!
Dee
April 9, 2018 at 12:28 pmThere are only a few blogs I have continued to follow nowadays,yours being one of them. It seems we have been on the same journey without even sharing it on an one and one level. I find myself saying amen to all of your post. I had to take a moment to say I can truly relate To this post. As I approached 39 I recalled two older friends informing me that I had spent most of my life caring about what I say or do. They said Dee you will soon say screw it. Oh the accuracy in their statement. I realized that I created a mantra from a modified quote by Deepka Chopra:
“If you want to reach a state of bliss, Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to
judge.”
I had to stop caring. And not in the “wrong” way but the right way. It would not matter in 5 minutes 5 hours 5 days…5 years. It has not been over night and 43 it still is a challenge but I can say I am so much better for doing it.
Katherine
April 9, 2018 at 9:44 pmThank you so much Dee, and I love that quote. “Screw it!”
Diane
April 9, 2018 at 12:35 pmFor the most part, I’ve always marched to my own drummer…..sometimes backwards, out of tune, or in my own universe. Or all three at once. I think it’s because my father was a psychiatrist and often presented us (there are four of us) with questions to ponder and leaving us to come to our own conclusions….although he was adept at changing our direction at any time he felt it was necessary. As a teen, I relied on my own inner compass but that was very challenging, as I often felt out of place among my peers. It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I really began to feel comfortable with who I was.
Katherine
April 9, 2018 at 9:45 pmThis is fascinating and I hope I can prompt my own children to think with such questions…even to this day I still feel out of place often, but I have come to accept it.
S
April 9, 2018 at 2:43 pmLaughed out loud at this post and totally relate as a mom of two – love your blog for the general life and parenting struggles/insights as well as the fashion/luxury posts!
Katherine
April 9, 2018 at 9:45 pmThank you!!
Jill
April 9, 2018 at 5:22 pmAnother great post. I have gone back and forth with caring what others think depending on the time in my life. I’m in my late 40s now and would say I have gotten better over the years not worrying so much about what other people think. However, when my kids were in elementary school I did care, a lot more, about what other people thought of both me and my kids because I realized that they might or might not get invited to playdates or parties based on what other parents thought of me. Maybe it’s just the community I live in, but maybe not. So you may find your feelings change over time as your children reach elementary school age. My son is in high school so things are very different now and my daughter is finishing up fifth grade this June and I will be glad to put that entire experience (and the gossipy and judgmental community) behind me.
Katherine
April 9, 2018 at 9:47 pmThis is a very thoughtful insight – thank you for sharing. Honestly I can completely see myself having the same experience (I even have it now, and my kids aren’t even in preschool) – its hard, you don’t want your own “personality” to impact the choices your kids have.
Robin
April 9, 2018 at 5:31 pmApproaching 35 and mom of 2. I don’t know if it is kids or “age” but the list of things I DGAF about grows longer by the day. And don’t waste time thinkng, “I wish I knew this then.” Ya gotta go there to know there. <3
Anyi
April 9, 2018 at 7:45 pmAs a 40 year old who decided not to have kids, but married and climbing a steep ladder in my career, this hits me at about the same time. Just can’t wear makeup or heels to work when I don’t have to make a presentation (and often, even when I do). I can get a bit of eyeliner and lipstick on in the morning in order to look alive. Overall, not touching the foundation has been great for my skin, inadvertently saving money on skincare! Also starting to care less about the few people who seem to hate me for no reason. There’s just nothing I can do about that.
Wendy
April 9, 2018 at 8:07 pmAnyi, sometimes people are jealous and insecure. They don’t see all the hard work you put in to succeed in your career. All you can do is smile and be gracious!
Wendy
April 9, 2018 at 8:04 pmI really don’t pay much attention to what people think. I work in a small place . I found that what people don’t know about you, they make up! I try not to discuss fancy purchases with people I know don’t have the same interest . I’m not a Mom, but my parents are elderly and one is on the disabled side. I spend most of my time working and caring for them. I still buy clothes though! Old habits die really hard!
Anna
April 10, 2018 at 4:54 amKate I totally relate! And this is the beautiful thing that comes with age. I am much more comfortable in my skin now I’m in my 30s and a mom. One thing for example, I used to spend so much time in front of the mirror in the morning back and forth about what to wear : does this make me look too young and inexperienced? Oh but does that make me too wanna-be? Oh the agony and insecurity and awkwardness! Now I throw on something, do my pony and put on some lipstick and I’m good to go! I do still yet to share my secret passion as an amateur artist with people though, but that will be another time 🙂
Sydney
April 10, 2018 at 6:05 amI couldn’t agree more with you, Kath. I just recently ended a long term friendship. The relationship was toxic and didn’t add value to my personal life. It weighted me down. While I am sad, I knew I needed to do something about it. Like you said, life is too short to waste time on people who don’t appreciate and value you. Thanks for sharing
Linda
April 10, 2018 at 7:36 pmA lovely post. Thank you for sharing. I can totally relate to you and many of the comments.
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life
April 12, 2018 at 8:40 amI don’t know when the shift happened but along the way, fighting for survival physically and professionally, I realize that I stopped caring what people thought. Specific people like family and friends, I still cared about, but I wouldn’t let their opinions shape me, just inform my decisions. My plague was probably very little about other people, though, it was more about how I perceived myself, and perhaps learning compassion and to be kinder to others helped me learn to be kinder to and prouder of myself than I used to be.
It did shake me when I cared that other parents thought badly of my kid, for a while, when ze was struggling with some developmental-related growth and they thought ze was just deliberately picking on their kid when in fact ze was just doing what all kids do at that age when frustrated. It was as much zir “fault” in not remembering how to react to provocation as it was other kids’ “fault” when they provoked – it’s all normal for 2 going on 3 year olds, but it felt really personal for a few days. Then I remembered that it was intense because I know that ze isn’t a bad person and it felt unfair for zir to be judged by a few moments on any random day, but that it doesn’t matter in the long run. Zir character growth matters far more than what anyone thinks of zir at this young age.
I don’t know what shifts will happen when we start school but I assume that some will.
Candice
April 18, 2018 at 12:09 pmHaha! I love this post and absolutely can relate. Recently, I am finding myself caring less but can’t quite say I am there. What I can relate most to is the peeing bit. I remember being at my 6-week postpartum appointment and horrified that I was still peeing myself. Even worse though was my ob/gyn telling me it may never go back to normal and me picturing myself in an adult diapers tv ad. Fortunately, several months later I realized I was no longer peeing myself. Still have a ways to go with the shame part though.